After my experience with Suzie in the shoe store, I just couldn't get her out of my mind. No matter how much I tried forgetting what happened that afternoon, I couldn't, the memories of me being seduced by that young woman kept coming back so vividly in my mind. The feeling of guilt usually associated those feeling but somehow my mind suppressed them, somehow the feeling of joy...the feeling of closeness with that beautiful girl always made it feel like it was right.
My relationship with Tommy changed as well. I no longer felt like what was happening between us was an accident or that there was a normal explanation for what we did. I was still his Mom and he was my son, but he was stronger now, more in control of what he wanted me to do or when he wanted me. Seemed like my internal turmoil was being pushed aside and replaced with the feeling of submissiveness, almost an eagerness to please him. I thought about different ways to please my son, trying to come up with ways for him to want me more, thinking of him more as a man in my life than my husband was.
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